bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize