im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
