Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
