"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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