if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm at about main and main street
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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