Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
