I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize