Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize