I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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