So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
