after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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