TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize