My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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