he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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