I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
