just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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