I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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