She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
