i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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