stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
