I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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