wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
