No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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