I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
