One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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