then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
