holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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