Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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