bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
