you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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