I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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