Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
