But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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