just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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