yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
