Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
