Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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