matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
