dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
