I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
