"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
