And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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