a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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