you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
