hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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