Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
