her vagine was all disorganized.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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