He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
