Christians are straight up FREAKS
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
