3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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