the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had to cum in my sink.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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