someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
