My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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