they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
