margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
