Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We are two peas in an std pod
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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