She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My life is pants optional.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
