How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize