you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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