this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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